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sweet dee drops knowledge all over everybody's ass.

wrap your minds around this.

Tag Archives: smirnoff ice

fat kids are not cute.

Motivated by Michelle Obama’s website on simple changes that can lead to weight loss (and an overall healthier lifestyle – I haven’t read it, but i’m sure it says that in the tagline), I’ve decided to drop a little knowledge on my fan base about how to not be fat (do as I say, not as I do).

10. Order a diet coke as opposed to regular to accompany your loaded nachos or philly cheesesteak (or both).

9. Instead of that triple cheeseburger for lunch, do the master cleanse for a week.

8. Drink light beer, well, unless you’re trying to get drunk.

7. Get liposuction, or even better, get that surgery where they shrink your stomach, and you’ll die if you eat too much.

6. Order a parasite online.  Pricy but effective.  (I just made myself rull sick trying to find a good website for purchasing, but i do know they cost about 2,000 dollars, and if you don’t remember to kill/remove your tapeworm, it can grow up to 6 feet long).

5. Get pregant.  Sure, you’ll gain weight for a bit, but it will be justified and breastfeeding helps you lose weight like woah, or so I’ve heard.

good for your baby.

4. Stop eating altogether.  Will be tough, but worth it in the long run.  Well, until your body can no longer sustain itself and then you’re dead.

3. Develop a cocaine addiction.  Slimming and makes you more interesting to others. Win win.

2. Always carry around an ice block, at 228 calories a bottle you can’t afford to be caught off-guard.

get iced, bitch.

1. Maybe don’t eat the KFC double down chicken sandwich or fried oreos.  Instead of a 2 liter of Mt. Dew, try juice, water, maybe even milk (it’s good for your bones).  Stop playing World of Warcraft all day and give the Wii a try, the real fatties should stay away from Mario Olympics because it’s known to cause injury (talking about you, Splodges), or get rull crazy and go outside.  Gawed, America, what the fuck.

Peace out bitches,

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