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Tag Archives: jungle joose


Remember that time 9 idiot kids (17-19 year olds) ruined christmas for everyone?  What fucking tools mix four loko with vodka, rum, and weed, blackout and have to all be taken to the hospital.  ARE.YOU.SERIOUS?   I could get super blackout on a handle of vodka tonight, have to go the hospital, and cry about how I just had to buy the handle because of the pretty packaging, but are they gonna ban vodka?? NO.  Why?  because it’s not the alcohol’s fault.  It’s the caffeine, “unsafe food additive”‘s, fault.  (Actually it’s the idiots who drank wayy too much’s fault, and America’s fault for unnecessary bans and restrictions and fucking with everything I like).   This is why caffeine/alcohol (cough cough redbull and vodka, any soda and vodka, dew drops, etc.) are SOOO dangerous for me:

“If you drink a 24-ounce can of Four Loko in one hour, that’s almost like drinking a full six-pack of beer in an hour, but you have that caffeine making you more alert, so you keep drinking. It’s like the worst of the worst things you can do.”

Correction.  This sounds like the best thing I can do.

Just because the caffeine keeps your body from following the natural process (passing out on some rando couch and getting drawn on by all of your friends – does this even happen?), does not mean it FORCES you to continue drinking.  You should know better than to drink  5 jeese (joose plural) in a row just because you’re not tired yet, IDIOTS, and if you don’t know better you’re probably underage, and can we really blame alcoholic beverages that cleverly marketed their drinks in colorful exciting cans for underage drinking?  yahnope.

I’m going to raid all the local 711s and gas stations STAT to stock up on cases of this golden beverage.  (and then sell them for $20 a can on the blackmarket to preteens).

Peace out bitches,

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